Gabbar's Orkut Profile

This has to be the funniest forward I have come across in a long long time! Read each section of the 'profile' for extra fun...!

What's in a name?

So our man Harman Baweja is Hurman S. Baweja now.

I think we should all appreciate his burning ambition to become a star and sacrifice so much in order to get that. But doesn't he know that with his talent and lack of personality, it will take a lot more than just spell change?

Yeh picture hit hai ya superhit...?

In 1997 I was staying in a small town near Nagpur. For every new movie that would release me and my family would pile on in the car and drive down to Nagpur city because our town had only one, extremely shady theater. Big movies (Border), small movies (Tamanna), dubbed movies (Sapnay), good movies (Virasat), bad movies (Himalay Putra), serious movies (Mrityudand), masala movies (Judwaa), thrillers (Gupt), comedies (Yes Boss), romance (Pardes) - we saw them ALL! Most of these movies were decent hits but none could bring in so many viewers that it would be houseful for days. But one enterprising theater owner had a brain wave. He decided to run an older everybody-has-seen-it film once again. He gave a one of those 5cmx2cm black&white ads in the paper, which we saw. We had seen the movie at least 5 times in the last 2 years but the attraction of watching it on the big screen once again was a temptation too hard to resist! So off we went wondering how many other crazy people like us will turn up.

It was a houseful. The movie - Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jaayenge.

That is what I call a BLOCKBUSTER. There were talks that the movie had grossed more than Rs. 50 crores (a huge sum at that time) at the box office and you knew it was right. Even after 2 years you could see it in the full theaters. Tickets didn't cost more than Rs. 60 and there were much fewer theaters - it was just the volumes that did it.

Now I go into jazzy multiplexes 2 weeks after Ghajini releases, pay Rs. 250 on the ticket and Rs. 100 on the pop-corn, look around at 60% occupancy and watch this 3 hr long piece of crap - which is supposedly breaking all box-office records! Rs. 200 crores?? And expected to make more? How come it doesn't feel like that? And it's not just Ghajini. All the so-called "superhits" of the last few years (Singh Is Kinng, Race, Fanaa, OSO, Welcome, RNBDJ, Dhoom 2 et al) fail to impress. Where are these revenues of crores coming from? How much do overseas revenue contribute? Is it fair to convert dollars into rupees and inflate the number? Why isn't inflation taken into account? Is the theater owner making any money at all?

Nobody is answering these uncomfortable questions. Everyone feels proud that Bollywood is now an industry but where is the accountability? Or has it learned the art of manipulating numbers from the corporates! The number of screens have increased, so have the prices on each ticket. Naturally each person is now contributing more into the revenue pie than previously. And that can't be the only criteria to call a movie a superhit. Volume, yield, line profit - everything should be included when deciding whether a movie is hit or not. We don't even have an official source or body which tracks the box-office performance of Bollywood movies. Only some unofficial bodies which too term movies a hit or a miss in a sometimes arbitrary manner. Incidentally, according to boxofficeindia.com Ghajini has so far made Rs. 90 crores in revenues (domestic or total - its not clear). In either scenario it is far from the imaginary Rs. 200 crores.

Colonial hangovers and more...

So A R Rahman won a Golden Globe and unlike many of our desi celebs, he didn't embarrass us while on stage! He was his usual self - soft spoken and shy. He also thanked the billion of us. Well Rahman, what can I say? You are totally welcome!

Shahrukh too made his 'debut' on the international arena (other than the non-happening Cannes 2002). He was as confident and well-spoken as always. Although what was with the tie- underneath-the-shirt look? A bit much, i'd say.

Are you looking forward to Luck By Chance? It's going to be tough for Farhan Akhtar (who relies more on charm than real acting talent) to follow-up Rock On!! with another decent movie and a good performance. Hope its not as bad as Oye! It's Friday. Other than that, should be an interesting one to watch.

Mohit Suri (Awaarapan, Kalyug, Woh Lamhe) is definitely a better filmmaker than his mentor Vikram Bhatt (too many insignificant movies to name) who directed Raaz Version 1. 'Raaz - The Mystery Continues' looks promising. Inspite of all the his detractors bad mouthing him, Emraan Hashmi is still a good box office bet. And Kangana looks positively radiant. Also, the movie doesn't have any competition on its release date -23rd Jan - which is always a good thing.

Deepika Padukone continues to bug me. As if having an absolutely ghaati style of speaking wasn't bad enough, she continues to parade around in hideous dresses! Yes people, that is velvet. I guess her styling team needs to work as hard as her PR team. Akshay on the other hand looks dapper as usual. A white suit is not everyone's cuppa tea.

Pehchaan Clone...

In spite of Harman Baweja's best efforts to be Hrithik Roshan or the next best alternative - he still loses out on some key parameters vis-à-vis the real superstar. One - the confidence and personality to carry off any piece of rag. And two - the famous set of six fingers.

What is that on his t-shirt? The devilish version of the Playboy mascot? Really? Did Priyanka approve?

And is it just me or does this movie has disaster written all over it!

Photo courtsey: http://www.gomolo.in/

Papa kehte hain...

...grow up! You are way too old to pull off this college cool dude look Aamir...

Photo courtsey: http://www.gomolo.in/

Golden Globes 2009

The nominations for Golden Globes 2009 are out. You can check them here. The winners will be announced on 11th Jan. Wonder if they are showing it in India?

Anyways, even though I have seen none of the movies (damn the delay it takes for Hollywood movies to come to India), I can still hazard a guess or two!

My bets are on The Curious Case of Benjamin Button for Best Picture and Best Screenplay. Brad Pitt will still have to wait a while to get some serious awards, even though that seems to be his top priority after his kids.

Kate Winslet will probably win the Best Supporting Actress (Drama) for The Reader, as she has some serious competition in the best actress category. And it still doesn't feel like this is her time.

Best actor (Drama) could go to either Leonardo DiCaprio for Revolutionary Road or Sean Penn for Milk. But since the sympathies would be more for Leo and Sean Penn is kinda controversial, it'll probably be the former.

Slumdog Millionaire for Best Director? I mean the movie has created so much buzz, they have to give it at least one solid win, rt!?

Tina Fey could and should win Best Actress in a TV series (Musical or Comedy) for 30 Rock. She is awesome!!

And why the hell has Cate Blanchett not been nominated for Benjamin Button?!! They don't get better than her.

Heroine kaun hai?

In Hindi cinema, the center stage has traditionally been the domain of the male protagonist. Think acting and the first few names that come to mind are Amitabh Bachchan, Dilip Kumar, Aamir Khan. In spite of the presence of popular, loved, huge female stars a movie still sells in the name of the hero – right from securing finance to its promotion. Where in this kitschy, crazy, addictive world of Hindi cinema have our heroines always fit in? Just as the portrayal of the male protagonist has changed in sync with the changing society, so has that of their female counterpart, albeit a little less prominent and certainly, a lot more deserving.

Here, we look at changing face of the Hindi film heroine through the decades and acknowledge them, who have always been the silent yet solid contributors to our much beloved movies.

Pre-Independence (The Pioneers)

When movies first came to India, the female characters were portrayed by men, as the taboo and stigma attached to acting (especially for a new medium like films) was huge. It was only by late 1920s that women had started appearing in movies– most notably the Anglo-Indian Patience Cooper, Ruby Meyers (better known as Sulochana) and Miss Gohar. Most of the movies made at this time were mythologies and historical, where women have traditionally had important roles. In 1930s, though, the themes started shifting towards social issues. Devika Rani (universally acknowledged as the first lady of Indian cinema) along with her film maker husband Himanshu Rai, pioneered such films. Many movies that shestarred in, such as Karma (1933), Jeevan Naiya (1936) and Achhut Kanya (1936) dealt with social issues like ostracization of women on the basis of class or heritage. Other top actresses like Noorjehan (Khandaan, Anmol Ghadi), Durga Khote (Amar Jyoti, Rajrani Meera), Khursheed (Bhakt Surdas, Tansen), Suraiya (Pyaar Ki Jeet, Mirza Ghalib) too have done some beautiful women-centric movies and were big stars who could draw the audience to the theaters on their own strength.

1950s (Mother India)

If I were an actress, this is probably the period I would want to act in! Fifties has given Hindi cinema some of the most respected and talented actresses to ever grace the silver screen. Nargis (Mother India, Awaara, Shree 420), Madhubala (Half Ticket, Chalti Ka Naam Gaadi), Meena Kumari (Baiju Bawra, Parineeta) were stars in their own right. In terms of screen time, popularity, roles and even paychecks (in the peak of her career Nargis was reportedly paid more than both Raj Kapoor and Dilip Kumar) these actresses commanded an equal status as the actors. Movies were reflective of the socialist mood of the country at that time. Duty towards one’s country or community or family was always more important than one’s personal gains. Maybe because of this trend, we often saw strong female characters that would typically sacrifice their desires for the sake of duty. Interestingly, fifties also saw the emergence of the modern Indian woman – someone who dresses in western attire, drives a car, has a career and is still traditional at heart.

1960s (Perfect Indian Girl)

These were simple times. Love stories were the order of the day and melodious songs a must in every movie. The heroines were pristine, beautiful, coy, and virginal – they were women every man dreams of taking home to his mom. The top actresses of that time – Sadhna, Saira Bano, Sharmila Tagore, Asha Parekh, Nanda, Mala Sinha – have done a number of roles that fit into this mold. The lead couple was almost always good looking and often found singing love duets in the heavenly valleys of Kashmir. “Basket” hairdos, nylon sarees, elaborate eye make-up gave the heroines an ethereal quality but hardly any depth. A special mention, though, must be made of two movies that broke the stereotypes and gave us characters that are remembered even now for their depth and various dimensions – Bimal Roy’s Bandini (1963) and Vijay Anand’s Guide (1965). Actually, it would be fair to say that Nutan, Meena Kumari and Waheeda Rahman were some actresses who managed to stay within the conventional boundary and yet push the envelope with their stunning performances and knack of picking roles that were real and mature.

1970s (The Prop)

This decade saw the emergence of two kinds of roles for the females – the heroine and the actress - a trend that would further solidify in the next decade. Even though the look of heroine changed dramatically (with the advent of ‘glamour dolls’ like Zeenat Aman, Praveen Babi, Neetu Singh et al), her role in a movie reduced significantly. While the hero fought mightily against the villain or led a revolution against the system and mouthed some heavy-duty dramatic dialogues, the heroine just got a few scenes and a bevy of song and dance routines in her kitty. Also, the advent of the angry young man, which became the symbol of angst against the system and anything unjust, overpowered everyone. This trend is clearly reflected in the most popular and successful films of that era – Sholay (1975), Deewar (1973), Amar Akbar Anthony (1977), Don (1978) etc. Of course there were notable exceptions like the movies made by Hrishikesh Mukherjee (Abhimaan, Milli, Chupke Chupke), Shyam Benegal (Ankur, Bhumika, Nishaant) and Basu Chatterjee (Chotti Si Baat, Swami) where these directors had well etched characters for their actresses but these movies can hardly be termed as a mainstream blockbuster!

1980s (Dutifully Yours)

The eighties are considered by many to be the dark period of Indian cinema. The emergence of VCRs and advent of television saw a decline in the box office collections and consequently, the production quality of films suffered. Every second movie depicted the same old boy-meet-girl-and-fight-the-villain storyline interspersed with senseless violence and some pelvic thrust laden dances. The female anatomy started getting highlighted with increasing coarseness as they provided the titillation quotient in the emerging ‘sex and violence’ quick-fix formula. However, some big film makers like Yash Chopra (Silsila, Chandni), Shekhar Kapur (Masoom, Mr. India), Gulzar (Ijaazat, Namak) and Mahesh Bhatt (Arth, Daddy, Kaash) who had a bigger canvas and budget, targeted their movies at the ‘classes’. Actresses like Shabana Azmi, Smita Patil, Sridevi and Rekha regularly collaborated with these directors and explored themes and stories that did justice to their talents. But although the characters often deviated from the norm, somehow in the end they would fit into the traditional middle class belief in convention. So we have a Shabana Azmi accepting her husband (along with his illegitimate child) back into her life in Masoom (1983) or Rekha leaving the love her life to go back to her husband in Sisila (1981). It would take another time and age (Rani Mukherjee in Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna) for a leading lady to break stereotypes and choose love over duty.

1990s (Eye Candy)

Nineties witnessed the birth of screen goddesses Madhuri Dixit and Sridevi, who commanded an equal devotion and fan following as any major actor of that time. They had roles that were specifically written for them and had equal screen time and meaty dialogues as the heroes in their movies – Lamhe (1991), Khuda Gawah (1992), Khalnayak (1993), Beta (1992), Saajan (1991) – to name just a few. But not everyone was that lucky. Even a movie like Damini (1993) (which raised some relevant women issues and had an author-backed role for its lead actress Meenakshi Sheshadari) relied heavily on the unabashed verbal diatribe from Punjab da puttar Sunny Deol. Actresses like Raveena Tandon, Shipa Shetty, Sonali Bendre, Karishma Kapoor have been part of some very big hits of the nineties but they were hardly anything more than sex kittens. They weren’t shy of exposing and dancing in the scenic Alps but in order to do a meaty role they started looking at the ‘parallel cinema’ for opportunities. Globalization exposed the country to the western world and its cinema. The emphasis on style, special effects, and death defying stunts became the staple of many movies. The heroine either became a comic relief or the damsel in distress waiting to be rescued by her man.

2000s (21st Century Woman?)

What Shahrukh Khan did for the actors in the nineties - treading into the grey area of ‘anti-hero’ (Baazigar, Darr, Anjaam) - Bipasha Basu did for the actresses. Her no-holds barred turn as the gold-digging ambitious seductress in Jism (2002) not only catapulted her into the big league, it also set the cash registers ringing. It probably wouldn’t be wrong to say that the line between the heroine and the vamp has thinned down considerably. Almost all top actresses (Aishwarya Rai, Kareena Kapoor, Kajol, Priyanka Chopra) have done the so called ‘negative’ roles and many an item numbers. Women on screen now have careers (Bipasha is a cop in Dhoom 2, Preity Zinta is a doctor having a live-in relationship in Salaam Namaste, Rani Mukherjee is a fashion designer in Chalte Chalte), they dress sexy but not vulgar, they drink along with their male pals, they are not a one-man woman and they are definitely more open to pre-marital sex! But is it too early to say that the Hindi film heroine has finally come of age? After all, we still don’t have mainstream movies that explore the female psyche, their depth, their complexities, their spirit and also ensure box-office success. But at a time when Kareena Kapoor has emerged as the true ‘hero’ of the movie Jab We Met (2007) and is reportedly getting a fee of Rs. 3.5 crores for her next biggie, the heroines’ day in the sun is probably not too far away.

Pssst - Part 1

What would Bollywood be without its masala? I so can't digest a movie without the elaborate wedding songs, designer dresses that I can never wear (or afford) in real life, sentimental diatribe about family values and the must-have convenient happy ending. I mean, of course everything becomes alright in the end and everyone lives happily ever after! It can't be any other way!

But what about the masala behind the scenes?! Because if there is anything that can pose a serious challenge to the above mentioned formulaic masala on screen - it has to be the real lives of our sitaaras! I claim to have no first-hand insider info, nor am I in anyway related to the entertainment business but I do have a rather well developed habit of culling information from various soruces. So, following are some of the alleged well-kept secrets of our filmstars which I have read/heard about:

• He is the eldest son of one of the most celebrated and respected filmmakers of this industry. He himself tasted mega-success with the first movie that he directed. Extremely media shy, he is generally known to be a tyrant within his production house. Although he had been married for many years but an alleged link-up with a top actress led to his recent divorce. What is less known is the speculation that this is an elaborate cover-up operation to hide the fact that he is actually gay. The ex-wife got away with pot loads of money and a bungalow in Janaki Kutir (Juhu) in lieu of her silence. Regular PR feeds started going to the media about the possible marriage of the filmmaker and the top actress to prevent speculation of any other kind. What does the actress gain in all this? Well, a number of big budget movies from one of the industry's biggest production houses doesn't sound so bad, huh!
• A borderline A-list star son, he has usually been in the news for all the wrong reasons. Bad attitude, brawls in discotheques, recreational use of banned substances et al. He has been seeing another star daughter for ages who herself is drowning her no-so-happening career under the haze of drugs and dealing with her erstwhile superstar mother's attempts to save her. In the meantime our hero has gotten married and had a baby as well. Trying to build the perfect star image maybe? Last heard they are still hot and heavy, much to the chagrin of the wifey.
• On the face of it they are the perfect couple. Superstars in their own right with big movies at their feet, a cute child, a long lasting marriage, endorsement deals, magazine covers - you name it. But reality is quite different. Their perfect marriage is apparently quite the farce. Our man here is a serial womanizer and movie sets are totally aware of his tendency to hit upon girls working in various production departments. A friend of mine had once seen him making out with a young starlet in the VIP lounge of a Delhi pub. Only question is - why would the lady take all this shit? Is it love or good business sense?
• Totally respected for his talent as an actor, producer and now a director, this A-lister is quite the trendsetter. His carefully cultivated public persona of idealism, perfectionism and compassion usually manage to hide well the fact that in real life, he has been quite a jerk. A long marriage to his first wife was often accompanied with various affairs on the sets. His real-life fetish for white women even comes across on screen. A leading film gossip magazine had done a well researched article on his illegitimate child with a British writer a few years back - a story which was soon buried. Methinks that his sudden and recent warming up to the media is a tactic to divert attention from the many skeletons in his closet - family feuds, drinking problem, affairs etc.

This the first in the series of the upcoming gossips that I'll be posting. So, keep checking!

Rang De Publicity...

I am so glad that Ghajini has finally released.

Hopefully, i'd see less of Aamir Khan for a while now.